California law does not require employers to provide paid time off. I do get the normal holidays with pay but now that I’ve been there a year, I’ve “earned” one day of PTO. Trust me, it’s not ideal by any means but when I accepted this job, I had to compromise. SO MUCH. But the alternative was to continue to be unemployed. We are considered a start up and I know that my supervisor and other staff have been pushing for more PTO.
Top two alarms are my usual wake up time during the work week. But tomorrow I’m taking a mental health day so I’m forcing myself to stay in bed until 7:30 am. Yes, I have to force myself since my body’s internal clock will be up by 4am. Although that’s never an issue on the weekends :)
I have plans with some friends tomorrow and I may be going back to some wineries…as the DD. I guess this is what we do when we live so close to all these wonderful vineyards? I have to take advantage of the fact that I won’t be stuck inside an office all day.
I also decided that since I only get one PTO day this year from work (don’t even get me started on their stupid policies), I’m going to start taking off a day at least once a month or so and just make up the hours throughout the week. I can’t be all about work all the time. I need ME time.
Who would’ve thought that this would be the place where I would have a heart to heart with my mom about us losing weight? This vineyard was our last stop of the day. We were just sipping on some wine and enjoying the sights. We were both kind of quiet and I guess in a contemplative mood.
All of the sudden she turned to me and said “I really need to lose weight. Not just for how the dress will look like (we hope to go to a wedding in November) but for my health.” I looked over at her and I said the same thing. We talked about how we can be each other’s cheerleaders rather than being each other’s enablers. I tend to worry more about my mom’s weight because she had heart surgery about 12 years ago and I was thisclose to losing her. At least that is how it felt to me and it scares me that I may lose her. She worries more about my weight than hers because she is my mom.
Tomorrow we plan on throwing out everything in our kitchen that we know isn’t good for us. We aren’t going to do any detoxes or cleanses or anything extreme. Just going to eat healthy and wholesome foods. We both know what we should and shouldn’t eat. We both know that good eating habits plus exercise is what is needed for us to have a healthy life.
I am done looking at the mirror and seeing someone who has gained 40 pounds rather than someone who overall is down 70 pounds. I hate the way I’ve started to criticize myself. Negative self talk needs to be a thing of the past. I hate that I’ve become the person who has gained weight back which is something I swore to myself that I would never do or be. I can’t change the past but I can only focus on the future.
Now that my work schedule will be back to normal, it’s time to lose the “tax season fifteen”. And then some. And then some more. Be prepared to see me post more because I need the accountability and I also need to stop hiding. I need the straight talk that you all provide. Most important of all, I need to surround myself with positivity and inspiration which is something each and every one of you provide. Thank you for not giving up on me.